Oct 23 2010

Miserable day

Mr Stuff

I had a few good days in the last week that made a pleasant change but it was followed by a few bad days, as is the way. And today is a bad one not helped much by my mental state.

Mrs Stuff has been out for the last few hours and even though I’ve got Pepper for company I feel really lonely today. I’ve been trying to distract myself but its just not working, I can’t be bothered to play my games and there is cock all on tv worth watching. So I’m just sat here feeling sorry for myself watching the time slowly tick by.

Thinking about it I think isolated is a better description than lonely. Even though I have company and help I really feel as though I’m going through this all on my own.

Oct 16 2010

Some test results

Mr Stuff

When I had my last session of acupuncture the doctor had a quick peek to see if the results of my capsule endoscopy had come through, and they had.

There was some inflammation in my intestines and a few other bits but she wasn’t qualified to make sense of the results. So I’ll have to wait until I see my gastro guy next month to see if it actually shows anything useful.

Oct 11 2010

Head says no

Mr Stuff

I’m having a really bad day headwise today, feeling useless, worthless and generally like a waste of space.

For the 18 years before this I had a strong work ethic and great opportunities to work for good companies with great people but right now I’m embarrassed at the amount of things I can do. I did the washing up earlier and it floored me, I had to sit down for nearly an hour to recover.

I know some of this is because I’ve been so inactive for so long but it doesn’t help. To be honest I have a hard time trying to recognise who I’ve become as a result of this and am desperately searching to find my old self, and all I can think is “snap out of it”.

Oct 10 2010

More early starts

Mr Stuff

The bad patch is continuing to make my life hell at the mo with another few early starts, which is currently every other day. On Friday I was up at the shockingly bad 1am and this morning was a slightly more relaxed 3am. So that’s been my weekend blown.

The pain is not too bad at the moment but the nausea is quite monumental, which is bad because my nausea tablets aren’t really helping. Bugger.

Oct 5 2010

Of mice and pain

Mr Stuff

Pepper found herself a little mouse to play with last night and did a good job of trashing it as much as she could without actually killing it. So after she had finished flinging it around I had to put it out of its misery, not a pleasant job considering how I was feeling.

Then this morning I saw Marmite playing with something on the path and it’s the dead mouse which seems to still be a viable toy. Poor little fella.

As for me I’ve had a terrible few weeks of early mornings, really bad nausea and pain. I’m currently almost afraid of food since I feel bad if I don’t eat but feel worse after eating. This morning I had to cancel my acupuncture because I just couldn’t make it to the hospital.

So my plans of sorting my head out and maybe considering going back to work are on hold until I can try to get on top of these symptoms.