Oct 27 2015

Just what I needed

Mr Stuff

After taking it for at least 6 years my doc has taken me off Domperidone, apparently it can cause heart problems. So I’ve moved over to Stemetil as my anti nausea tablet of choice. 

So far the change has given me more nausea than usual, but that’s to be expected since my body needs to get used to the new meds. Hopefully this stage won’t last too long, but then I’ll hit the inevitable withdrawal from Domperidone. I’ve looked it up on Google, always a good choice for health expertise, and it could take up to 8 weeks or so before the symptoms hit. So just in time for Xmas I can expect depression and anxiety, fantastic. Although I’m not really too sure I’ll notice when those symptoms hit

Oct 23 2015

Just get out of my head

Mr Stuff

I’ve mentioned before that music can be a trigger for me, it can kick off emotions that I have no context for and generally leave me confused.

The biggest example of this is the following song

About the time I noticed my memory was failing this popped into my head from nowhere and seems intent on staying. I have no idea where it came from as I’m not known for my love of squishy love songs, much preferring some angry German industrial. Judging by the video its from 4 Weddings, a film I know I’ve never seen and never will (can’t stand Hugh Grant) so no idea where it came from.

I’m trying hard to replace it with an ear worm better suited to me but this keeps popping in. Must try harder

Oct 20 2015

And a quick work update

Mr Stuff

After 20+ years working in games QA I’ve decided to leave it all behind me. I’ve mainly worked in small companies (from what I remember) and the politics is just all to much to be arsed with. And I’ve not been enjoying the work as much. 

So for now I’m working for my mates stage lighting company as a warehouse bitch. It’s mainly deprepping and prepping cables, lights and stuff for gigs. The work is fairly varied, the people are excellent and it pays me money so I’m loving it. It’s not my long term plan, I’m sure I’ve got one, but in the meantime it’s really good fun and gives me time to think about doing something else if I want to

Oct 19 2015

Ah Facebook

Mr Stuff

I logged out of Facebook on my phone today, and don’t plan on logging in for a while. Not quite ready to deactivate the account yet but that is still on the cards. 

It’s quite the double edged sword that FB, I mainly post health based posts and they’re usually not happy. So I will get a number of people showing sympathy, advice and general support, which is good. But there are also the group of people that never say anything, and in my mind they don’t give a shit. Maybe they didn’t see the post, sometimes the feed moves quickly, but in my head they just don’t care which makes me hate them, which is not good for me even though I know it’s all in my head. 

Then I see all the posts about people off doing stuff which also makes me grumpy because I’m not. So all in all FB is currently a bad thing for me to look at, so I’m not going to for now at least, and maybe for ever. 

Oct 18 2015

It’s been a while

Mr Stuff

It has indeed been a while since I last posted, it seems I forgot the therapeutic benefits of getting shit out of my head, even if no one reads it. So let’s catch up. 

Since my last post my ilness hasn’t gotten any better but a new, and unexpected addition has arrived my memory has gone to crap. By which I mean my long term memory is unavailable to me, anything older than 10 years is just not there, and I can only time it that way because I vaguely remember getting married but even that is fuzzy. 

It all started a few weeks ago when someone posted a pic of an event 20 years ago that I was at, but I didn’t remember it. But more than that I didn’t recognise the people in the pics and they were mainly old friends, but strangers to me. That got me thinking and I have almost nothing of my life before 2005. I don’t remember where I went to school, don’t remember where I used to work, where I used to live, who I shared houses with, you get the idea. And it’s hit me pretty hard. I’m constantly pissed off and feel uncomfortable around people I’ve not seen in a while, even good friends feel like strangers to me at the mo. 

Even more disconcerting is that occasionally I’ll get flashes of emotion, sometimes triggered by pictures or music but I have nothing to put them into context. It just fills my head with crazy that I can’t do anything with, just like a dream that you can’t remember and the more you try to the further away it gets. Some music seems to trigger more than others but I obviously have no idea why, Ten by Pearl Jam fills my head with so much odd stuff that I’ll need to delete it off my iPod. 

I’ve also become more reclusive than I thought possible, I really only leave the house to go to the shops or work. I’ve been to friends houses a few times in the last few months and made it out once but other than that I’m back to being almost house bound. 

So all in all I’m not in a good place but will try my best to fight my way out