Jan 16 2016

If music be the food of confusion, play on

Mr Stuff

I have a peculiar relationship with music these days, there’s some stuff I remember fully and some stuff that sits in a very grey area. 

The other day at work someone played an Oasis album and while I didn’t remember the music I knew some of the lyrics which was really odd. The tune was alien to me, as if I was hearing it for the first time, but the lyrics were words that I knew and that was something I wasn’t ready for. It knocked me back a bit but I was able to deal with it. 

Then when I was having my tattoo finished off the artist out on some Deftones, a band in not too familiar with, and it wasn’t too bad. But at the end of the album came a big surprise, a song that I obviously know and must have meant a lot to me. The song is Drive and after some searching on YouTube I found out it’s a cover, the original being by The Cars. When the song started it sent a little shiver down my back and brought a tear to my eye and ,like many things, I really don’t know why. It must have been a song that meant a lot to me in the past so I’ve listened to it quite a lot, both the original and cover, in the hope that it kicks something off but it hasn’t. 

It’s annoying since I have no reference as to why I know these songs, some of which are a world away from the stuff I listen to but we must have crossed paths at some point. If only I had some idea when that was, or why some of these songs seem to mean so much to me

Nov 25 2015

Shipwrecked in my past 

Mr Stuff

I’ve been thinking of ways to try and make it easier for people to understand my memory issues, which I know can be tough. The best I’ve come up with, with a little help, is a shipwreck metaphor.

I’ve been shipwrecked in my past, left floating alone in an empty ocean, clinging to anything I can find. The things I cling to can be people, who I see as islands, music or other little stimuli, I see as driftwood, and fleeting feelings and emotions, floating debris that is always out of reach.

This also comes with the fear that any islands I find will be desolate and unforgiving, driftwood could sink just as I get to it and I may never be able to reach the other floating debris. But I need to try and get to any support/shelter/safety I can find which means it will dominate my time for a while as I discover whether it’s a good thing for me or not. (Anyone else feel I’m getting carried away with this metaphor?)

I’ve also stopped saying I’ve lost my memory, I’ve temporarily misplaced it and it may come back. But it may not and I’m comfortable with that now, I think. But for now I’m floating along surrounded by a few islands in the distance, lots of floating driftwood and a field of debris slowly floating away, but there’s hope of a rescue when I see the neurology folk in January.

Then there is always the option that I just leave the past where it is. I’m still me whether I remember go I got here or not. But the problem with that is the emotions and feeling I often get, some move me to my very core, that I just can’t ignore. I need to explore them and see where they came from and see why they sometimes have such an effect on me. So I’m destined to remain floating around until I know more about why I’ve been shipwrecked in the first place.

Jan 1 2014

New year, same problems

Mr Stuff

A few days ago I managed to hurt my back doing some shredding and it’s really messed up party plans. I left a party early the other day because of it all and last night I left a New Years party early after it stated playing up and my mood shifted quickly.
The thing is I live with constant pain all the time, every waking moment has a bag of pain attached, so it doesn’t take much more before I become angry and withdrawn. My moods are on a constant knife edge with not a lot of additional pain needed to tip them over.
So a big #FU_illness to 2014 already

Dec 26 2009

Bring on the side effects

Mr Stuff

Yesterday was one of the rare days where I have been up earl 2 days in a row (4am on Xmas Eve and 5am on Xmas day) so I was fairly sleepy and didn’t want to go anywhere, so I didn’t, and I think it’s all down to my new medication and the side effect I’m experiencing.

When I saw my gastro guy he suggested trying different anti-nausea drugs, more specifically ones that deal with travel sickness. So I have some new Scopoderm TTS patches which will slowly release the drug over a 72 hours period, but they are really messing with me. I have blurred vision, feel even more groggy and fuzzy and everything tastes watered down. So I’m thinking of maybe stopping them for a bit to see if the side effects wear off, then maybe take them again, not really sure.

But in better news Xan seems to be settling quite well, he and Pepper do have lots of little fights but I think that may just be trying to sort out who’s dominant. He really wants to go out but we can’t let him for a week or so, so he spends a lot of time looking out of windows.

nice view

Nov 13 2009

My 1337 art & craft skillz

Mr Stuff

As well as doing lots of sudoku to keep my brain active I’ve also taken to folding crisp packets and other rectangular wrappers into triangles, so to celebrate my good news from this morning I’ve made a picture of Pepper for you all to enjoy.

Pepper Art

Aug 7 2009

Holy good super hero games

Mr Stuff

Recently super hero games seem to be getting better, X-Men Origins: Wolverine was a good game, and the new Batman game is looking quite awesome. The demo of it went up on the PSN and XBL networks today and after playing it I’m liking what I see.

In Batman: Arkham Asylum the Joker is captured and taken to Arkham where he escapes and all hell breaks loose, as you’d expect. So you need to foil the Jokers plans and re-capture some of the famous bad guys that have been released. The biggest thing for me in the game is the combat, it has to be right else you won’t feel like you’re playing Batman, and it works. The combat mechanic is quite simple, one button for hit, one for stun and one for counter but when put together well it is a lovely ballet of violence. But that’s not all since a lot of the enemies have guns and you don’t so there is a lot of stealth, swinging from handily placed gargoyle to another handy gargoyle before taking down your enemy silently.

For viewing your environment there is detective mode where you can see everyone through walls in x-ray style and also any points of interest and grappling points. I like it as it gives you a good chance to plan your attacks while staying hidden, no need to poke your head out from a corner to see what’s coming only to have your face shot off.

All in all a great demo, although a little short, but it’s only 3 weeks to the release of the game and I’m putting my pre-order in tomorrow. So download it while it’s hot, although for the XBL demo you’ll need to be a gold member to download it now. And if you’re reading this at work and unable to get the demo right now here is a vid to stare at.