May 10 2009

Morning brain dump

Mr Stuff

After a few hours sleep I woke up just before Mrs Stuff got in, she was a little bit drunk so I’ve sent her off to bed, and there’s a few things bothering me that I need to get out of my head.

I’m really bored that for the last 499 days I’ve been ill enough not to do any of the things that I want to but not ill enough for it to get sorted quicker. I just seem to be at a level of sickness that doesn’t require urgent medical attention or emergency admissions  but is still bad enough to give me very little quality of life. I also know that some of this is due to my state of mind since I don’t feel comfortable going out much in case I start to feel really bad, and the thing with this kind of thing is that if it goes bad then I get all kinds of unpleasant side effects that I really don’t want to unleash on someones clean bathroom. I’ve been tempted in the past to try and make it worse so that I need admitting to hospital and it will get sorted but I know that’s a little extreme. So I’m left with my medical team working at NHS speed while this pesky mystery illness keeps me hostage in my own house.

One of the other things that worries me, more so recently, is that I get the idea that people don’t believe me when they hear that I’m ill or understand just how ill I am. I mean I don’t show that much in the way of external symptoms and I have a whole raft of medical tests that don’t show anything, there is a very good chance that this is in my head and not real but from some reactions I’ve had from people it’s how it seems. There are people that I see a lot and they get it but there have been some people that I don’t see that often that have surprised me with their reaction, its almost as if they think I have a bit of indigestion and am being a big girl about it. Maybe it’s just the way I’m seeing the reaction and it’s all in my head, who knows.

Jan 10 2009

Saturday Brain Dump

Mr Stuff

I’m very bored of not doing anything, really bored. As anyone that knows me will be aware of I need mental stimulation to survive normally and I’m currently not getting any. I’m bored of TV having now seen pretty much every episode of Deadliest Catch and Mythbusters, which were the shows that kept me a bit sane as it was new to me. But after a while you just see the same things over and over again, even with the hundreds of channels I have available to me.

Today I received a letter from the hospital telling me of the appointment I have with one of their dieticians, so hopefully they can give me some advice on what I should be eating. Hopefully it should help to improve my mood, you never know.

Other than that I’m now just under 12 stone and worked out that in the last year I have lost approximately 1/5 of my body weight. Not good :(